my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
