Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Can I color on your dick again?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
