Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Come share oat with me in your robe
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
