I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize