I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
