I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
