i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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