I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
