its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
