is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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