Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
