White coat. Heels.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
