You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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