can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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