life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
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