I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
How does it feel to date your dad?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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