a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
