i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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