were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
