it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize
