peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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