so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
