Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
