Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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