I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
