At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Randomize
