we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
