I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
