your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
