The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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