I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Let's get the cat blown out
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
