I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
