My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
