Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize