did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
He felt like a one man threesome
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize