Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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