My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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