just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
