Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
