apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
