i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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