NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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