I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
