there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize