remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
