hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
