What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
