"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
