He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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