I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
