It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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