I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize