You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
