ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Randomize
