my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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