I have demons in me.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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