go do what you do best...puke behind churches
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I believe in your delicious
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Randomize
