I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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