The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
