The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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