I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
