if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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