5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
