I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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