I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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