You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
