Dude my mom stole all your condoms
he thought i was a dude.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize