So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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