The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
