Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
