i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
