i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I'm jealous of your bromance
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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